It’s been a long time since I’ve written something about boys, about my feelings, about my expectations. Summer means a lot more expectations. It’s weird about it, but I feel that I change at once when I meet boys, when I talk to them and act before them. Maybe I feel a little pressure, maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad, but I feel a pressure. And I feel that I change in some kind of way. I literally know what kind of boy or man I want. I know that he should like me as I am. And when I mean “as I am“, I mean that he should like my personality, my weird sites and my ugly sites.
I have to be honest here. I am pissed off and tired of boys who want me because of my body. Being a “pretty girl” has taught me one thing: I am not my body. When boys shout at me on the street, they’re shouting at a mask, it doesn’t touch me. When boys talk to me at parties, they’re talking to a fantasy. When I fall in love or someone fall in love with me, the first thought I think, is if he only loves me because of my beauty. It sucks. So let’s face it, we’re wired to love pretty.
The only thing I like about being pretty (Yes, I am positive and egoistic, whatever you would like to call it if you want to) is that it gives me a perfect disguise. I am a person, hidden behind an attractive mask, an attractive body. When I’m sad, I can play that I’m happy by using my mask. It’s simple.
It’s sometimes not good to look pretty, either it’s the body or the face or whatever it is. Don’t wish for another you. People expect certain things of beautiful women, and rarely do those things involve having a personality, a brain, a heart. When I want to be brainless, heartless, or avoid acting like a real person altogether, I just wear the mask. After all, few people expect any better. They expect me to be dumb, blond and just a doll boys can fuck. Think twice stupid assholes. I promise you, I have feelings, and I have a brain, a heart and a personality.
Text by me